Yes it's comfirmed.
I am
SO NOT AND NEVER
going to major in advanced digital media.
Kill me, hang me, poision me, push me off the cliff, shoot the crap out of me and steal all my bunny rabbits all you want, but I will never. (cringe) EVER. major. in a/s.
(the lecturers are great and amazingly patient (suwei T_T) but I swear, actionscript is out to make sure I get run over by a car, reverse, and run over again)
.. Well, okay.
Let's not deny all the possibilities.
Maybe one day I'll be good enough in it to actually want to major in advanced digital media.
Who knows right.
So let me rephrase.
The day that I, Joyce, decide to major in actionscript is the day ARMAGEDDON COMES.
Or the day I actually enjoy waking up to birds chirping and not want to beat the batshit out of them.
*******************
(temporal rant)
Feeling a bit frustrated.
I feel like I've lost the ability to make things using photoshop with ease. Or just enjoy the process of making something called "art" for that matter. I used to sit in front of my monitor, excited, and would spend countless hours making a graphic or a layout and just.. having fun. Ideas would flow, determination would push me and I'll end up feeling rather nice about it.
Now I just feel like it's such a chore. If I can, I'll stay far away from the monitor as much as possible. I remember how I could feel myself improving, but now I'm just stuck at the same place. The joy of using photoshop and exploring the creation of graphics itself feels like it's been shot dead a long time ago.
For the past two days I've refused to do my assignments, and I sat myself down trying to get my creative juices flowing. I wanted to put what I'm "supposed to do" (assignments) aside first, and just do what I "wanted to do". To create something in the spur of the moment, something I used to do before I joined college.
I mean, before this I could get inspiration from feeling extremely angry (
exhibit A), or listening to a song (
exhibit B) or just being bored (
exhibit C).
(yeah those works aren't as good as I used to think they were, and the layout functionality is crap, but I was/still am pretty proud of the blends/graphic tee hee)
But no, nothing came. It's disappointing how I feel like I'm deteriorating and how much "passion" I'm lacking. Everything that I make now feels hollow and forced, and god, I really feel like college is sucking every bit of fun I've ever had when it comes to graphic-designing.
This is one of the reasons why I didn't want to choose design as one of my career options. I feared that one day I'll end up hating it instead of loving it more.
Sigh. It's hard to force myself to get inspired for an assignment. It's hard to force myself to like it due to the time constraints. This is a problem that I'm currently facing, and I find it hard to create something new for me to even take pride in.
But I guess I have to learn. I need to be determined to make this work. Afterall, it's do or die, focus or fail.
So.
With that out.
Back to work.
